


In his dreams (she wakes up)

by caseykaboom



Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, Julia is in a coma and then wakes up, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-16 03:07:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18512632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caseykaboom/pseuds/caseykaboom
Summary: In his dreams, he has no secrets, no hesitation, no doubts.





	In his dreams (she wakes up)

In his dreams, he holds her and cries into her neck and fucks her into the sheets.

"Do you regret it," he would ask, "your career," he adds, "your choices," because he is bitter, he can't help but be bitter, he can't feel her touch (her touch) on his side (on his side) and Andy Apsted's face is fucked up and Vicky and the kids are hurt in ways he can't explain, and so many are in pain, so many are in pain, so many have died.

"No," he knows she would say, the soft tones of when she is with him twisting with her public speech voice, "I went into politics to help people," her eyes clear and earnest, "I want you right beside me," her shaky grasp on his hand (her hand in his hand), "... my mission of fighting the enemies of democracy," her stance tall and her stride confident, "... does not require apologizing for the past," her blatant display of ambition and brilliance and power -

"... Does not require apologizing for the past," her clear disregard for the little guys, for the victims of war, her war, _him_ -

"... Does not require apologizing for the past," her determination, her ambition, her soft breasts in his shirt (her in his shirt) (her in his shirt) -

"But it's hurt you!" He sobs. "You did this! You voted for war! RIPA-18! This is retaliation, and it's - it's hurt - Tahir Mahmood is dead! Kim Knowles is dead! Don't you regret it _now_!?"

"No, David," she says softly, looking at him with love and tenderness in her eyes, and he knows then that he's dreaming, his heart is pounding and he is shivering in cold sweat, he needs to wake up now, he knows what she's about to say, it's not true, he won't hear it, he can't, he doesn't - 

"No, David," she kisses his temples and scritches the back of his neck like petting a dog,

"No, David," she smiles up at him with pink cheeks and bright eyes,

"No, David," a stray curl falls against her cheek and he can't help but reach out,

"No, David," sunlight filters through the curtains and the sheets smell like her perfume,

" _You_ did this."

He wakes up and muffles his sobs in the pillow.

+++

In his dreams, he has no secrets, no hesitation, no doubts. He doesn't note her visitors. Doesn't record her meetings. Doesn't read the kompromat. Doesn't report to her enemies. Doesn't own or hide a gun.

He tells her he knows Apsted. He tells her that her enemies threatened him with Ella and Charlie. He tells her he didn't leak her itinerary, he didn't conspire with Apsted, he didn't see a bomb in the case, he didn't betray her.

In his dreams, she trusts him enough (loves him enough) to believe him. In his dreams, she is powerful enough (loves him enough) to make the threats go away. In his dreams, she is patient enough (loves him enough) to know that he is trying, he is, he is trying his best. In his dreams, she loves him enough (loves him enough) to keep loving him (keep loving him), through his faults and trauma and fumbling and missteps, in a world that seems to be out to get him, in a world that he barely understands, in a world that gladly turns without him, in a world where he has no defence but empty words, she chooses him (she chooses him). 

In his dreams, she is strong enough (loves him enough) to wake up (to wake up) (to live).

+++

In his dreams, he sneaks into a bar at 13 with his mates and gets drunk off his arse from a pint of beer. In his dreams, he meets Vicky at 17 at a party neither of them were invited to. In his dreams, he kisses Vicky for the first time, spends the night with her for the first time, spends Christmas with her, holds Ella for the first time, holds Charlie, and dies in Helmand in the blast.

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter:
> 
> _Julia wakes up._


End file.
